He Will Not Let Go

This past week has been the most life-altering week of my life thus far. And I don’t mean that in a good way.  My mom, who was also my business partner, friend, mentor, and so much more- is no longer living on this Earth. It’s one of those things that happens to others and that you never really think is going to happen to YOU...until it does.

I have never experienced such grief in my life before, so this will be a new and interesting process to walk through. One minute I’ll be absolutely fine and then the next thing I know, something triggers a memory or a thought comes to my head and I’m ugly crying all over the place (and If you know me, you know it takes a lot to make my eyes even remotely tear up). I recently heard someone say that losing someone too soon (whether that be a child, sibling, or parent) makes you feel as if you’ve been robbed, and I couldn’t agree more-

robbed of memories, pictures, and experiences that you’ll never get.

Here are a few that come to my mind:

• Running home after every first-date to tell her all the details (okay, well most of them 😉)….and getting her advice, even though I roll my eyes and don’t want to hear it.
• Every.Single.Mother’s Day.
• Giving me a long hug after I’ve had a hard day and comforting me like no one else can.
• That mother-daughter wedding day picture.
• Family photo shoots that will always have an empty space.
• Throwing me a baby shower.
• Helping me pick out a wedding dress and continuing to try to convince me that I should wear hers and that it really could be made "in style."
• Being there when I have my first baby.
• All the grandma nicknames and babysitting.
• Spoiling my kids.
• Helping me reach new goals in my business...
• ...And being there...getting recognized together when we reach those goals....
• Hearing her voice clearly say the words again of, “I’m so proud of you baby, and I love you”

I could go on.

All of those dreams, expected memories….It’s all gone. It has been taken and can never be given back. The worst part is, there is nothing- absolutely nothing- I can do to change that. That’s what hurts the most. I’ve never hated the effect of sin and brokenness of the world more than I do right now.

Someone recently told me that eventually, the memories will become sweet. They won’t carry the sharp pain, and I’ll be able to smile & be thankful when I think back on them.  I hope that’s true. But I’m scared that over time I’ll lose the clarity of the sound of her voice, the touch of her skin, the life in her eyes, and the joy of her laugh.

Somehow, I know God is going to carry me through this and I’ve got to believe that there is hope and restoration ahead. However, if I’m being completely honest, in this moment it does not feel that way.

Yesterday at church we sang the song “King of My Heart,” and one of the lines is “You are good, good….You’re never gonna let me down.” I couldn’t get through the song without breaking down.

If I’m being honest with myself, God doesn’t feel good right now….I feel let down….but I’ve learned that I can’t base my faith on my feelings. Faith is about acting and moving forward even when you DON’T see the end in sight. It’s trusting that God will carry you, even when your senses tell you otherwise. In times like this, it’s the hardest thing. If you’re going through a similar situation, I get it.

But even amidst the pain and seemingly unending clouds, I have been encouraged with these truths that God has been gently whispering to my heart. I hope that if you’re going through something like this OR if you do in the future, you will remember and find comfort in these truths  as I have:

1. Jesus is acquainted with our grief.

Jesus knew grief. Isaiah 53 says “a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief….He has borne our griefs and He has carried our sorrows and pain..” (v.3a; 4a). Jesus knew the anguish and sting of grief. This is encouraging because it helps us relate better to the Father. God is crying with us. He hears us, sees us, and knows the pain we are experiencing because He too has experienced it.

2. We are comforted by God so we can comfort others.

I recently heard a quote that said, “God builds your character to match your calling.” Going through hard situations builds character through the teacher of experience, and it is one of the most transformative processes. 2 Corinthians 1:3-7 talks about how God is the “God of comfort” who comforts us, so that we can then comfort others when they go through hard times. It’s about preparing us for a greater calling of ministering to others through our own experience. God will never waste your pain, He will only use it.

3. He has not forsaken us.

John 14:8 says “I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you” Some versions replace “orphans” with “comfortless.” We are not without comfort, God has not left, even if it feels that way. I love the Amplified version of Hebrews 13:5b, “For He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]” We can be comforted with the truth that God will never leave or forsake us. Often when He feels distant, it is because we stop seeking Him- but He never stops seeking us.

4. We serve a God of redemption and restoration.

We have to remember that we serve a God who loves to take broken things and make them beautiful, and that goes for situations in our lives too. We see this all throughout Scripture. Take Job, for example, who had everything taken from him, his estate, family, health- EVERYTHING- yet God restored Him in abundance. “And the Lord turned the captivity of Job and restored His fortunes….also the Lord gave Job twice as much as He had before” (Job 42:10). While no Earthly possessions can replace a person, there is still always restoration that God can bring- often in ways we don’t expect. Often it is through people- new friends and family-  that He brings blessings into our lives. Isaiah 59:1 says, “Behold, the Lord’s hand is not shortened at all, that it cannot save, nor His ear dull with deafness, that it cannot hear.” Nothing is too far gone for the Lord to restore and heal. I am beginning to actively look for, expect, and ask God to bring restoration and healing to my life and restore to me in abundance what has been stolen by the Enemy.

5. We have hope. Keep Perspective.

Finally, live with eternity in mind. We are eternal beings! In the grand scheme of eternity, our time on this Earth is like a microscopic dot on the timeline! As believers, we have hope that we will see our loved ones again. While it still is hard here on Earth without them, we can know that we will be united again one day. It truly is not goodbye, but “see you later.” “But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep...Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord” (1 Thess. 4:13;17). Losing a loved one means every day is a day closer to being with them forever in heaven. It’s a strange thing. When you lose someone so close to you, heaven becomes a real, tangible place in your mind where they are and that you anticipate going to- it’s a weird balance between living here on Earth and also anticipating a future in heaven. Until we get there, we must live out each day for the purpose that He has for us here. That’s what we are called to do, and that’s what our loved ones would desire for us.

But still, at the end of the day, it’s hard you guys. It’s really, really hard. I don’t want to sugar coat anything and tell you that any of this is easy, because it’s the most painful thing I’ve ever been through. I can’t honestly tell you I’m “well” when you ask me how I’m doing. But you know what else? I’m OK with not fully being OK right now. Healing takes time. Remembering these truths hasn’t necessarily made things easier, but it does make for a small shimmering of light at the end of the tunnel.

So until that day when we meet again, mommy….I’ll remember these things: That God is good even when I don’t feel Him, that He is preparing me for an incredible calling that is beyond imaginable, that I can trust Him to never forsake me, that He is restoring what the Enemy has stolen, and that all will be made right again in the end.

xo

Oh the Seasons!

The idea of “seasons” has been on my mind a lot recently. In Michigan, metro Detroit had its big #snowmageddon this weekend, and I'm pretty sure all of life stopped on Friday as we had snow non-stop for 16 hours? Maybe more. The Detroit metro airport shut down and all incoming flights couldn't land. It was bad.

Anyway, as I sit here now and look out at the beautiful snow, I can’t help but think about how gorgeous it is but also how destructive it can be. From inside a warm home, looking at the snow is beautiful, serene, and calm, but to those who have to get up and drive in it or don’t have heat- it is stressful, dangerous, and even life threatening.
Seasons can be a double edged sword.

The great thing about seasons is, they are just that, seasons- meaning temporary. And there’s a specific purpose & point in each one- sometimes bringing both beauty & pain. Seasons can be really exciting, but they also bring change, which is scary to many of us. Sometimes we never want our season to end (hello college), and other times we can’t wait for them to be over. I remember partially dreading graduation from college, because I thought the best part of my life was coming to an end and I would never see my friends again. Was college an amazing & life changing experience? Yes, but it was just a season and the beginning of an incredible life full of opportunities! In the words of High School Musical (slightly edited), "[College] wasn't made to last forever." The same goes for any season you might be walking through right now - it wasn't made to last forever.

SO whether you’re in a really wonderful season right now, OR things are really stressful & hard- remember life isn’t necessarily ALWAYS going to be this way. Seasons change. Literally and figuratively. The thing that keeps us grounded no matter what season or transition we are in is to keep our eyes on God, who never, ever changes, and who has promised to protect & guide us in any upcoming snow storm or hurricane that may be lurking in the next season.

"To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven." Ecc. 3:1

an unexpected {yet perfect} answer

"The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend. Then Moses would return to the camp, but his young aide Joshua son of Nun did not leave the tent.

 Moses said to the Lord, "You have been telling me, ‘Lead these people,’ but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, ‘I know you by name and you have found favor with me.’  If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people".

 The Lord replied, 'My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.'"

Exodus 33:11-14

Often times I (wrongfully) catch myself thinking that I will learn the most from Scripture by reading the NT. You know, the gospels, epistles, etc. After all, those books were written specifically to the church, right? I often find myself skimming over the OT (esp. Exodus, Numbers, Leviticus, Deut...you know the books I'm talking about), or deeming (in my mind) it as less important than the NT, but that is so NOT true. We can learn a lot from these books...if we just take some time to see what they're saying. 

Okay so before I even make my point about how this passage relates to the title of this post, check this out:

The first thing I noticed when I read this passage was the relationship between Moses and the Lord. It says in verse 11 that God spoke to Moses as one speaks to a friend. How COOL is that!? Imagine that kind of relationship with the Lord! Crazy right? Even crazier is the fact that we now can have that kind of relationship with God too. In the OT, God spoke to priests and prophets on behalf of the people. But now, because of Jesus, we are able to play that role of a priest and have that kind of relationship with God. 1 Peter 2:9 says we are a royal priesthood, and Hebrews 4:16 tells us to come boldly before the throne of grace, something that in the OT, only the priests could do. So basically, we can have that relationship that Moses had we God...we can speak to Him as we would speak to a friend, and He wants to speak to us that way. God wants to hear our thoughts, emotions, hurts, desires, pains, dreams.....that sounds alot like a RELATIONSHIP, my friend- not a religion! :) Anyway...!

THEN it gets even better (this is the main point I want to make), Moses shows his humanness and QUESTIONS the Lord. Sound familiar? You have been telling me, ‘Lead these people,’ but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, ‘I know you by name and you have found favor with me. (v.12).  What is Moses doing? He's questioning God on what He said He would do, instead of believing and knowing that God would come through on His Word. 
How often do we do this? I know I'm definitely guilty of it! Have you ever said, "Lord, you said you were going to provide for this, but I don't know how that's going to happen because you have not provided a job in 3 months," or something similar? We often wonder, is God REALLY my provider, my healer, my satisfaction? He SAID He is, but how often is that not enough for us when we don't immediately see the fruit of it?

The BEST thing about this is the Lord's response: "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." 

What? I can totally image Moses being like "Ummmmm okay Lord, that's great, but you totally didn't answer my question. You still didn't tell me who you were going to send with me and how we were going to get this done. You want me to lead all of these thousands of people but unless you give me some sort of blueprint to work with this is not going to happen."


...(wait for it)...


But that's the point. 

God DID answer His question, just in a way Moses didn't expect.

God didn't give Moses all the details of how things were going to play out. He didn't tell Moses exactly HOW He was going to come through on His promises, BUT God did give Him a peace and the promise of His presence, which would be ENOUGH to get Moses through whatever the future held. 
God did come through on His promises, and He answered Moses's question, just maybe in a way Moses didn't expect.

Can you see where I'm headed with this application?

I'm a planner. I like to plan things in advance, and know the details and schedule. So, this is something that's really hard for me. Sometimes I ask God for answers to questions about my future and you know what? He doesn't always give them. But, I've realized that the promise of God's presence and rest is SO much greater than knowing all of the minute details of life or how things are going to work out. It's about learning to walk by faith, which is how we grow.

So, if you're in a time of transition or growth (like me), trust in the Lord. Continue to pursue Him and His promises, knowing that He may not give you all the answers right when you want them, but He WILL be there for you. You may feel like you need to know everything, but you know what? You don't, because you serve a God that DOES and has your very best interest at heart.

If you remember anything at all from this post, let it be this: Even down uncertain paths, If you have God's presence, you have all you need.

What Does A Man After God's Own Heart Look Like?

Goodmorning and Happy Monday!

I shared this on my Facebook page yesterday morning so some of you may have already seen it,  but my roommate, Lynne, encouraged me to share it on here too. :) I hope this encourages you this week. Remember, you are not defined by your sin.

When we think of David being a "man after God's own heart," it's easy for us to think that He must have been so perfect, so focused on striving after the Lord, so dedicated to Him. And he was, for a time, but we often forget that David also strayed and made some pretty big mistakes. His life was a series of successes and failures. The same young shepherd boy who killed Goliath and became a King also committed adultery and murder in His life. Yet despite his sins, God never removed the title "man after My own heart" from David, or stopped using Him. It's easy to think that being a man or woman after God's heart means that we're "perfect," but it doesn't. In fact, we might make some pretty big mistakes. But it was David's deeply repentant heart during those sins and focus back on the Lord that gave Him the title that He is famous for today. 

David wasn't defined by his sins, and we shouldn't be either. It's human nature for us to focus on the negatives and on the sin, but we must realize that God doesn't see things that way- He sees us as His sons and daughters, redeemed by the blood of Christ if we have accepted Him as our Savior. In addition, God took David's mistakes and used them for His glory, in the writing of many powerful Psalms that we use today to express our repentance to God. Being a "man after God's own heart" isn't some unattainable, perfectionistic, or legalistic title. It simply means you're seeking God first in ALL things, and you're willing to surrender and redirect your life back to His path when you do (inevitably) mess things up, and realize that God will use your mistakes to grow you for your good and for His glory.

I hope you're blessed by this song this morning, it is one of my favorites and completely applies to this post.

Defining Your Values: A Series (2/6)

"Do not remember the former things; neither consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs forth; do you not perceive and know it and will you not give heed to it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."- Isaiah 43:18-19

Goodbye 2015, hello 2016! It's a new year, a new start. I just started a 21 days of prayer for my business to start off the new year (you can find out more about that here if you're interested), and ALREADY God has been moving in my heart.  This verse really speaks to me and I am declaring it as my theme verse for 2016. I am SO excited to start off the year in the right way by setting my focus on the Lord and I am thrilled to see how He works this year.

In the second post of this series, I am going to talk about a value to me that is absolutely critical to growth in any area of life, and in being a successful leader. While these posts are not in any order regarding ranking of values (except the for the last one...which is really my #1 value),  this one definitely ranks up somewhere near the top. Also, with the new year just ringing in, there is no better time to write about this:

Value #2: Vision

Vision. Proverbs 29:18 states "Where there is no vision, the people perish." Vision is what drives people, it motivates them. It gets them through the hard times because they are able to see the greater vision, the dream. It is the job of the leader to cast a vision for the team, to give them direction and pave the way. It is crucial to the success of any large feat. VISION inspires people to ACTION which leads to GOAL SETTING which in turn makes DREAMS come true. Vision gives one a concrete picture of what they are trying to create as a result of their actions. So this new year, in whatever area you may be working in, if you are in a position of influence and leadership, cast a direction for the people you are working with. It creates unity, drive, and success. 

What is your vision for 2016? Where do you see yourself going? What do you see yourself doing? Who do you want to impact? 

Keep in mind that VISION does not mean GOALS, though it can include your goals. GOALS are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time bound. Whereas a VISION is a more broad and general direction that you see yourself going. However, your GOALS should lead you to accomplishing your VISION, which will inspire further action to make your DREAMS come true! :) 

Without a vision, the people perish. What is your vision for 2016?

An Unusual Twist on Gratitude

Today I was looking back over some of my past twitter/facebook posts, and the more I did that, the more I was overcome with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. I remembered the good times, the times I was laughing so hard I was crying, the memories made with my friends, and the longing to be remake those memories again. However, I really was drawn to reflecting on the difficult times, and more importantly, how much I had grown through those difficult times.

It's weird.
You see, I enjoyed thinking about and reminiscing on the hard times almost more so than I did on the fun times. It seems almost backward.

I'm not saying that I necessarily enjoyed the thoughts and feelings that rushed back along with those hard memories, but it made me realize where I am today, and how I would not be where I am today had I NOT had those hard times, and had I not chosen to grow through them. Hence, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for them.

God is so good. He grace is....indescribable. In my own life, I've always found that I grow the most through tough times, and I'm pretty sure that applies to most people. I LOVE Genesis 50:20 that states "You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result." (NASB)  What Satan intends for evil, God can turn it around for good and for His glory, because He works ALL things for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Rom. 8:28). We see this all throughout the Bible, but the story of Joseph is especially brought to my mind.

So, what can we learn from this?

1. You can choose to accept and be at peace about the past: Nothing that you've done is out of the reach of God's forgiveness and grace. Don't beat yourself up! Forgiveness of yourself and others is a key catalyst to the healing process. God can and will work everything for your good! I'm not saying you may not have to deal with the consequences of your actions, but your future can be bright! We all make mistakes, so don't dwell on the past, but rather, choose to learn and grow from it. :)

2. Live in the present! I sometimes catch myself playing the "what if" game...don't do that! You are where you are for a reason. The past is gone. Whatever you are doing and wherever you are, be all in and do it for HIS glory.

3. Get excited about the future- and stop worrying! God has you in His hand, and He will guide your path and direct you, if you let Him! Yes, we make mistakes, but He is always there to guide us back and lead us to Him. I was once told to think of it like a GPS. We're supposed to let God direct us (let Him be our GPS), but sometimes we take a wrong turn. When this happens, the GPS recalculates to get us back on the right track- so God does with our life!


Here are 2 songs that I absolutely LOVE that completely resonate with this entry:

Sovereign Over Us- Aaron Keyes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPkMbhydU9I
Through All of It- Colton Dixon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91KliTa1ksY

Anyway, just a few thoughts for the day. Time to go back and study for my Gen Chem II final exam that is tomorrow..ha.. :p THANK YOU for taking the time to read. :)

My Heart Is Full

Okay.

SO, everytime I think I have God figured out, He completely shakes things up and turns things around so that I am once again reminded and humbled that I don't and never will know or understand the thoughts or mysterious ways of God. His ways are higher than mine. His thoughts are greater than mine.

Today, I was reminded again of God's PROVISION! This verse right here....let me tell you...it will change your life...

"Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]—"
Ephesians 3:20, AMP

My prayer life changed the day I realized that God was able to do SUPERABUNDANTLY far over and above ANYTHING my highest prayers and desires could even touch- not only that, but that He DESIRED to do great things in my life! When we give our prayers and desires to God, not only does it take pressure off of us, but it's the absolute best thing we can do because it's giving them to Him who wants to take those prayers and dreams and do EVEN MORE than we could ever imagine with them!!! How cool is that!?

Anyway. I'm getting a bit sidetracked. Back to the story of God's provision and Him doing things far above anything I could ask or imagine...

As many of you know, I'm going on a Mission Trip with my home church this summer to Mexico!! I've been on a mission trip before through my church to NYC, but this is my first international trip and I couldn't be more excited! I joined the team a bit late, so I was a little behind in my fundraising. As is pretty typical, I mailed out all my support letters,  hoping to raise enough money along with the church fundraisers for me to go! I knew in my heart that God had given me the desire to go on this trip and that somehow, He was going to provide!  I just didn't realize how yet...

I'd been praying about God's provision for the trip for a few weeks when I get an email from a certain person, telling me that they are sending me a check for..........





(wait for it)














$2000 for my trip.





WHAT. IN. THE. WORLD. IS. THIS. EVEN. REAL.


As you can imagine, it was completely unexpected and totally blew me away! The trip is going to be paid for in abundance, in that I'll have overflow funds that will be able to be saved for a future mission trips for me or to help my other team members. God works in SUPERABUNDANT ways. Our cup isn't just filled, it's OVERFLOWED!! To God be the glory!

I'm sharing this because I hope it will encourage someone out there, that God IS faithful and He WILL provide. We serve Jehovah Jirah- The Lord will provide! This is also a testament to the power of PRAYER, it really works people! God cares about you, He loves you, He's listening to your cries, and He is for you.

I'll admit this isn't my most thought out, planned, and organized, blog post.
BUT I hope if nothing else it gets this point across: God is good, all the time, He is faithful, and you can trust Him (Thanks Dr. White for saying that great reminder at the end of all your chapel messages).



I love hearing testimonies of God's provision! God gives us testimonies for us to share and for the building up of the Church! So please, if you have a story of God's provision, SHARE it!!! Send me an email or comment below- I'd love to hear it for sure!

Fear.

So, it's been a while since I've posted anything, and to be perfectly honest, blogging isn't something that comes naturally to me. Like, I guess I'd rather write out my thoughts in a private journal as opposed to all over the web (then I don't have to worry about grammar and spelling as much either, ha).
BUT God's really been laying this topic on my heart and writing it on here allows it to benefit more than just me.

A wise person once said,
"Action cures fear, while indecision and postponement, on the other hand, fertilizes it."

F.E.A.R.

In the Bible, the phrase "Do not fear" or similar is written 365 times. God's reminder for us each day to not be afraid. Somehow, though, it seems that the church is missing this point, or it hasn't fully gotten absorbed. Anxiety, stress, nervousness- all of that is rooted in fear.  Fear that I'm not going to get my work done. Fear that I'm going to fail a test. Fear that I won't be good enough. Fear that I'm going to fail, or fail again, Fear of the future.

The list goes on and on...

The sad reality is that fear is crippling the lives of believers, who are called to not live in fear! "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of POWER and of LOVE and of a SOUND MIND (2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV)." What if characters of the Bible such as David, Moses, or Noah were too afraid to act on what God told them to do? Of course they were naturally afraid (who wouldn't be, facing a 9 foot giant), but acting in spite of their fear and relying on God is what allowed them do accomplish great things for the Lord. These people trusted in the promises of God, and that He was going to be there for them. Their FAITH overcame their FEAR, and that is what made them heros of the Bible.  I don't like to beat around the bush, so to get to the point, fear is rooted in the doubt that God will really do what He said He would do. Acting despite fear, however, builds faith.

"What!? That's not true! Of course I believe that God will come through on His Word! I have faith in God!"

That's what you're thinking, right? I'm not saying you don't. I'm just saying, if you're constantly worried and afraid, maybe that's something that you need to work out with God. This doesn't just apply to facing giants, but the little things in life too. "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life (Matt 6:27)?"

I realize that this is a deep topic, that can't fully be covered by one short blog post. However, I just want to encourage you to PRAY next time you are starting to worry about a situation or event. If you are a His child, God's got your back. He IS faithful.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:6-7)."